FULL LUNE NOTES - JULY

Dear You, 

So last night was the full moon.  You know what I did? I sat around and did nothing. I moved from the floor to the couch. From the couch to the chair. From the chair to the bed. I dumped glass after glass of water all over my body.  I sprayed an entire bottle of rose hydrosol on us all. 

It was so hot. I mean talk about heat. Which I love, truly, I do. I am not complaining. I love the stickiness of my body, of my legs needing to get peeled apart, the smell of the light film that forms on my skin, musky and true.  I love my hair in the heat, curls emerge from sweat and mugginess.  I love the color of my skin when the sun is this strong, it's part gold + part olive.  But to not mention the ferocity of this heat would be an insult to the sun himself.  This is one motherfucking hot monster of a heat wave.

The sun god has beat his chest and taken his reign. 

And I am cool with that.  This moon business needs a little  balance.  Our water needs that fire. Our flow needs that hard edge. Our weary needs some carry. Our bodies need an excuse to collapse and be held.

So as I sat around and sweat last night I kept feeling a little bad. I kept thinking "fuck I need to get up and write". I need to put those hundred crystals out there under the glowing orb. I need to mark the moment with the kids, do some kind of ritual.  I need. Need. Need. to. get. up. 

But no. I wasn't going to.  I wasn't going to do shit.  The computer screen was too hot.  The outside air was too thick.  The kids were grumpier than me. 

So what I was going to do was nothing- I was going to honor the moon.  The empress. But listening to what I needed. 

{{And today, right now, here I am.  I am here.  Ready to pour forth whatever that wants to come.  As a matter of fact I got up, drove down the street to O'Conners, my local watering hole, and I am sipping on a nice dry hard cider listening to Bob Dylan in my earphones, at an old wooden bar with intense air conditioning as I type this}.

Here is the thing. I have been thinking a lot about showing up like an Empress.  Like really showing up as a woman/mother/writer/ human who honors that archetype, who does business and art in that way, who loves and lives and shows up in relationships truly embodying this empress energy. 

And by *not* showing up last night- that is honoring and living as the Empress.  She does what she needs.  She follows her feelings. All of them.  She expresses them.  She isn't embarrassed and feels no guilt about them. She lives by them.  She doesn't do things because they are planned or expected of her.  She does them because she is called to. She does them because it's real for her. 

In September I am showing up for my first speaking engagement {you can learn more here}.  I am talking to a whole loft full of women about The Empress in leadership + business {if you are in the Salt Lake City area and ya wanna party with me- come on over for it!}  And how we all want to be in the "feminine flow" and show up in business and life honoring the wild creative, the wild woman, the way of the moon. We all want to honor the sacred feminine in our work in the world.  But most of the time, none of us do. Most of the time we are running around with the ideology of the empress but in emperors clothes. The language has changed, but the energy is still the same. We are not actually doing business or whatever as The Empress.

And let me really be clear:  there is nothing wrong with the Emperor. Trust me. He's hot when he's on his shit.  When he gives it all he's got, he's so damn sexy and we need him, we need to tap into his energy in our lives. We need the Emperor... especially if we *are* going to live more aligned with our chaotic creative natures as feminine creatures.   We need to utilize both of them in our lives, equally.  We need to merge the two very clearly and know who does what. But we still live in extreme imbalance. 

The Emperor gives us the calendar, the clock, the scheduling, the planning, the rules + laws we live by etc. The Emperor gives us that feeling of "oh shit, i said i would be there then at this time and doing abc and also i need to show up with a smile and be solid and ready and not break the damn law and this outfit is what is expected of me as well." But the empress is the one who is like "oh for fucks sake, i can't even get off the floor. and all i want is to do is to do it this way now, my way, and i want to just dance to be honest and sleep and tell people they have to wait for me and break a few rules and maybe i wanna just be fucked for 10 hours right. now. etc"  We need The Empreror so we have a container to throw wild fits inside and allow it to be delivered to the world.  We need the Emperor to hold us while we truly  deliver the ways of the Empress in our lives.  It's HER that the world needs.  He helps bring her out there- he doesn't really need to SHOW UP too much anymore- he just needs to unlock the door for us and hold a safe space for us to unfold in. Think of it like this- he's the clock and we are the time. he's the passion planner and we are the words inside it.

For instance, mailchimp is my Emperor right now.  It's delivering my message, which is totally off the cuff and spilling out of me {good goddess I hope I make sense}.  And mailchimp gave me a little notice last night that said it was time for me to deliver.  And I said, hell no.  But today I said, "hey i might be late but i am on, here i am, as i am.  last night i was a melting mess of a sopping wet moon and i wanted to keep it to myself." but now i am am dropping every last bit of me here, into this template.  And I trust this template.  I trust my mailchimp Emperor.  He's gonna bring me to you. But the me he is going to bring is the real me, messy, raw, true. 

The Emperor is the part of us that say "but we have responsibilities and schedules to keep" and the Empress says to us "this is how i feel, and i need you to see me." 

The Empress is about creation.  The Empress is about expression.  The Empress is about embodying all that there is. 

So all I am saying is, think about how you show up out of obligation, responsibility, because of a date or a time that has been scheduled. Think about all the times you push the Empress away and show up as the Emperor instead of allowing the Emperor to carry the Empress on his shoulders.  And also,  think about how you show up just because you are wildly emotional and you want to be seen.  How often do you trust to show up insanely creative and not caring but knowing you are being true to you? Cracked open and raw and you just don't give a shit? Think about how often you show up ecstatic and so happy it's almost embarrassing? Ho How often do you go to work totally undressed? And think about how your Emperor can hold all that, without taking it over, trying to make you "appear" as you think you should. 

This cycle- as the moon wanes down to darkness- think about this.  Think about The Empress and how she wants to be seen fully expressed in all the ways.  And think about The Emperor and all the tools he offers to allow her to be seen- without restrictions or expectations.  And think about those places where they cross over and get confused. 

* * * 

Today my parents arrive in town.  This is big for me.  Mostly because I love them so much.  But also, every time I see them I think "this could really be the last time".  They are old.  85 + 86.  And it's always been a little hard having older parents.  But now, it feels impossibly sad, I am grieving before they are gone.  When I was home at my childhood house in NY last summer my father finally shared with me a super secret recipe of sicilian spicy pepper sauce that is amazing, insanely hot, but so so so good and sweet, too.  It was one of those days that will live in my memory, cellular and otherwise, forever.  Me and him in the kitchen, our hands burning from pepper seeds, stories told, him slapping my hands when I chopped something thin or too thick.  Laughing because our eyes were watering from how hot the smoke was.  That day is one of my favorites with my dad. I made a bit batch of the pepper sauce today, to eat with him when he arrives.  I hope he loves it.  I hope he knows what it means to me.

And just so you know, the project I mentioned the last time around, last moon? The book? The traveling to Sicily + Central Europe to find my grandmothers? Holy shit. So much as happened and revealed itself about them.  It's amazing when you know, and you are validated, even beyond your fears.  It's what I am suppose to do.  To write about.  Motherlines. Bloodlines. Soil. Ritual. Ancestry. History. Herstory. To tell the stories that have been lost by time and space and fleeing for your life. 

I am making a new website. It will be done soon.  And it will have more information on it about the project.  Also, I am hoping to send out another letter to you all once a month or every other month about the project- with rituals and prompts specifically around our blood and ancestry.  

And I want to say, when you think you are suppose to do something, but it feels scary and it feels too hard and feels impossible- please- do it anyway.  And tell me about it. Because I believe in it.  And you. And me too.  

My cider is done. 

I can't leave you with the spicy pepper recipe otherwise I'd have to kill you {sacred sicilan oath}.  But I can give you a killer recipe for a watermelon slushy + vodka. 

-2 cups fresh watermelon
1 whole cucumber {sliced}
1 handful of cherries or other frozen berries
5 fresh mint leaves
2 cups water
3 cups ice

blend it all up.
add vodka to your pleasing. 
drink.

Whatever you did to honor the moon last night, even if it was like me, honoring my own heat, i want to thank you. For just being you. 

I love you all.
Happy Full Moon.
In heat + crazy hope, 

MaryBeth

Ps- a few new blog posts are up on my site www.marybethbonfiglio.com another one is up at 
overthemoonmag.com 

Pss- I have a lot of shit to be thankful for. And you are one of them. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

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