heaven is how you speak it

DSC_1032

Sometimes there's a perfect tree in the scrappiest neighborhood.  We went to Union City for some real-deal Filipino breakfast & There It Was: 

Overgrown.  Perfectly balanced.  Alive, vital, with creamy apple-blossom sprays & pomegranate-pink buds.  It's trunk split into an open palm, "come on.  climb me.  i'll hold you." 

I am one of those people who is totally moved by this kinda thing.

Because I really believe that it's all here.  The magic.  The perfect.  The divine.  It's all here, it's not hiding, but very-much-in-between the cups of coffee & the waiting rooms & the lists.  And we ignore it most of the time.  Spirit is right here & for some reason we act like it's not worth gasping over.  But it is.  Things like this tree are shocking.


I want it to be shocking for my children, too.

What if we were all caught off guard by such simple perfection?  Would we all be rolling on the ground, laughing & overjoyed at being alive?

Even with all the scarcity & the fear, the dread & the pain that's out there, Earth is still in full-tilt production. I look.  More seeds than can ever be planted.  More blossoms than can ever smelled.  More branches than can ever be climbed.  More.  More.  More.  The natural state of all things is one of abundance.

The nature of Spirit is not one of recession, economic stimulus, hard breaks, luck, loss, tough times, being isolated, figuring, strategizing & financial tragedy.  Those are things that people talk about, & when enough of us talk about them, they become (nearly irrevocably) real.

We may be out of balance.  But we may also be just standing on top of a very thin wall, leaning in the direction of everyone else's sad.  What if we leaned in the other direction?  Where all is well, where heaven is here?  What if we got committed to staying there?  

I'm not saying there aren't very real circumstances that hurt.  In my family, my cousins are like my siblings, all 100 of them.  We start & end every conversation with "I love you."  Some of them can't feed their kids right now.  One will have to have his legs removed soon.  In my own life there have been times I could have helped them in a major way.  Written checks that would have made all the difference.  And I can't do that today.  I'm working to keep my house, recovering from the loss of our dream company, 24-hours past my 16 month-old in surgery.  It sucks, right?  But the family emails are ones of gratitude.  Of love  & appreciation, of requests for help & prayers & admissions of fear.  They are so courageous & we're all feeling the miracle of community.  

There's so many chances to get Present.  There's so many opportunities to Be Blessed, right now.  We are alive.  There are apple trees.  Spirit offers moments of reprieve.

In our family we've gotten committed to staying in Heaven.  Not to being "positive" or having a "Good Attitude."  But to really working to see what's amazing, right now.  To Seeing What's Amazing.  Right Now.

(Sleeping boys.  My love, snoring.  Warm blankets.  The sound of the freeway.  People going, living their lives.  Being small in the world.  A day spent completely outside.  A quiet house.  Bag of library books.  Gluten free pie crust.  Audrey B's family tea napkins.  A lightbulb at 1am)

I'm thinking of my dad, who always says things like, "I was startled!" This is very amusing because he is the most even-keel, goatee-wearing, beatnick-acting, mellow-kool San Francisco-cat around.  He doesn't startle.  My brothers, who are martial artists, use to sneak up on him in public & attack him from weird angles.  Dad would just block them, totally un-phased, as though he was expecting to see them all along.  But I know what he means.   My dad is a Fan, with a capital F.  While relaxed on the outside, inside he's filled with non-stop awe & a constant state of "Wow!"  He uses words like Mythic, Legendary, Masterful, Hero, & Epic on an hourly basis.  He has a language to support his life of wonder.

I'm interested in creating language that supports my life of joy.

Sweet.  Thank you.  Yes.  I love you.  Forgive me.  I'm sorry.  I'm grateful.  Partnership.  Friend.  Outside.  Oh. My.  Beloveds.  Let's Dance.

DSC_1036