I am trapped in a life full of boys & men.
They are, individually, perfect. Nothing wrong there. However. I am not handling it well lately.
I do not know what I am doing. In case I've misled you. There are so many good days. Miracle moments are a frequent event. And I am emotional. I cry easily. Which makes them think I am devastated. I look to connect, which makes them think I am invasive. I pad my home with soft things to keep them comfy & safe. They respond with backflips & leaps from the window sill.
Because men have opinions, based on their calculations + their thoughts. This is also known as preferences. And in their logical minds, it is very appropriate to empower others with this information. They want to me to be happy & to fulfill on my intention to please. They trust me to handle whatever they have to say with unconditional love & acceptance. It's sweet of them, really.
But...Do daughters do this? We appreciate a graciousness environment. Women come to the table with their feelings. And, as a female, I happen to know that feelings are important to acknowledge, not to be taken as law. It doesn't seem to be the same with preferences.
I am inundated with preferences in 4 sizes. I am looking for a mantra to repeat while I live with this ever-so-temporary-phenomena. Not the preferences. The current state of my brain.
Serve. Stop. Listen. Oh. Hmm. I see. You want what? How about thank you? I just... Okay. Hmm. Well why don't you... Because you can... I tell you what... Well. Tell me what... No scratch that. Let me tell you what... Smile. (Not for them. For me.) Now. What. Was I Going to Tell Me?
I'll let you know when I sort it out.